Anger Management

Anger Management

I was in karate tonight and belt testing. I eventually got so mad that I just had to leave. Nothing went my way tonight.

What is anger? To be extremely mad. What is mad? An emotion we feel when something doesn't go our way.

Webster defines Anger as a strong feeling of displeasure and usually of antagonism.

Why do we feel anger? I was angry today when I asked my son to do something and instead of listening he told me in his words "I don't have to listen to you, you're only a mommy. I only listen to daddies." Huh? What? At the age he's at now, that was a form of antagonism on his part. He was trying to see how far he could push me. In reality not very far as he lost his computer and v-smile priveledges for a few days. But let's look at anger. What is the cause of anger? If something doesn't go our way do we get angry? Yes. If something important breaks, or reports get food/drink spilled on, clean carpets get stains, cats jump in fiah tanks (yes has happened) do we all get angry? Yes. What we have to decide now is are all of these things worth getting angry over? Chances are, the little things, no.

Here's a list of normal anger reactions, and alternate ways you can react.

Dog tracks in mud, normal reaction: anger. Alternate reaction: wash the dog, clean the carpet. It may take a little longer but hey, they both could use a washing.

Child back talks, normal reaction: anger. Alternate reaction: Explain why back talking is impolite and ground for a day.

Cat jumps in the fish tank, normal reaction: laughter....ok maybe laughter and a bit of anger in there. Alternate reaction: laugh and wash the cat.

Moral of the above list is there is always an alternate reaction to counter act anger.

Here are a few tips that I use to manage my anger when the emotion shows up.

1. Meditate: I've said meditate earlier with stress and frustrations, but let's face it, sometimes these go hand in hand. Meditate: sit criss-cross. Left hand in right hand, thumbs touching and triangle breathe. In through your nose, hold 3 counts, out through your mouth, hold 3 counts.

2. Talk it out. Sometimes just getting another opinion on the event or person that made you angry can help you calm down.

3. Write it down. It's understandable that not everyone feels comfortable talking about their problems with someone else, so just write it down. Sometimes just getting the words out is good for the soul.

4. Take a hot bath: Who doesn't benefit from a hot bath?

5. Getting angry will not make you feel better, it will make you worse. Repeat this phrase when you're in a situation where you can become or are angry. Use it as a code phrase, to help center your emotions.

6. Don't jump to conclusions. Make sure you have all of the facts before you react. You know what they say about assuming.

7. Laugh at yourself. Laughter is the best medicine. You trip over the dog and bang your knee on the coffee table. Instead of cursing the dog, laugh that you tripped over something so HUGE or something that can move out of your way.

8a. Avoid the words Never, Always, Stupid, and any curse words. "I can NEVER get this STUPID screw to go in to the *^%(%^& hole. It ALWAYS goes in the &**%&^%* hole sideways." These words tend to make you angrier when you need some rational thoughts.

8b. Solve the problem "I wonder why this screw isn't going in the hole the right way. Maybe if I angle it this way it will work." You handled the situation in a calm and rational manner.

9. Exercise. Sometimes people have the urge to just hit stuff, and sometimes, unfortunatly that rage gets turned onto children, spouses and animals. If you are a person with a lot of stress, frustration and anger, go out and buy a bag, hang it in the garage and hit it.

10. Stop what you are doing, breathe and count to 10. Repeat as many times as necessary. I do this daily if not hourly dealing with the terrible 2's in a 4 year old's body.

11. REMOVE yourself from the situation. If you're no longer there, chances are your anger won't escalate.

12. Don't think about the cause of anger. If you're like me, you will sit and think and think and think about what happened to make you mad. When I do this, I get angrier and angrier. Breathe and think about something else.

It these don't help, please go see a counselor. I always recommend to see a counselor and have myself when things got rough. It's healthy to talk about your problems, in fact talking things over with my husband is the most effective way for me to limit my anger, unless of course it's directed at him.