Patenthood

Parenthood is not an easy task. Who ever coined the phrase "It takes a village to raise a child" had one. I am constantly looking for advice on one thing or another to help me raise my son.

My question is "When are you a bad parent?"

I do my best, we're not rich by any means, so does lack of money make a bad parent?

I'm very young, David is my first and only child, so does age and lack of experience make a bad parent?

David is special needs and has many problems that we deal with on a day to day basis. Does the inability to know what new "issue" comes up next make a bad parent?

I answer all of those as "no"

Money doesn't buy happiness. David has 2 dressers full of clothes and a closet full of coats. All given to him. He has a bedroom full of toys, most given to him. We have a house that we like, most of the time, 2 cars in the drive that are still newer models and very reliable. Does this make him happy? These things have met his wants and his needs, but would he be just as happy with 1 dresser full of clothes and 2 jackets? 1 bin of cars instead of 4? Sure, so why didn't the money make him happy? To answer this, you must look at our day to day life. Sure, David absolutely LOVES going in his drawers first thing in the morning and picking out his clothes, and they match.......... down to his underwear. While he's picking out his clothes, I'm getting the shower ready for him. In he goes, I make some sort of high protein breakfast (eggs on bagels usually) then we have learning time. Usually an hour or two, depends on how interested in the subject he is, then snack time (crackers and milk usually) then 20 minutes of play-time. After that we go back to the books. His day consists of alternating learning and play-time. Is he happy? Rarely do you see him not smiling. Even when he's in his 'class' with mommy, he's smiling. David is a happy happy little boy, minus the money. What made him happy? Interaction with me is my big guess. I don't sit around and let him play all day, that would be futile to his growing mind, I teach and nurture his mind and he in return gains his happiness. So, us not having a ton of money obviously doesn't make us bad parents.

Age and inexperience. I had David at 22 years old, I had been married for almost 3 years. We had a house, 2 cars and a pet dog. 22 seems like an ok age to have kids, but once I did, I learned how young I actually was. I hadn't really been around babies much less know how to take care of one. Then he started having problems. His sugar stayed around 11 and they ended up having to give him glucose through the IV, he became very jaundiced and ended up in the blanket and light for 8 days, he couldn't suck on a bottle because he was premature and still didn't have that reflex yet. I felt every bit of 22 years young. He spent 13 days in the hospital, the hardest 13 days of my life I think. I was inexperienced in taking care of a child, now I have a special needs child. Instead of letting it get me down, I went to his pediatrician for advice. As awesome as she was, she sent me to the CDSA, Child Development Service Agency. I met a nice case-worker and great Physical Therapist. Then met a great Occupational Therapist. All 3 walked me through the first year of his life. Not to mention his Neurologist, he walked me through the first 2 years of seizures and now is walking us through the diagnosis of Cerebral Palsy. His pediatrician saw him every month until he was 1 year old because he was awesome and wanted to keep track of his weight and length. My mom who answered about every question you can think of. And you cannot leave out God, whom I prayed to on a constant basis to help me, and he did. So, why didn't my age and inexperience in caring for an infant make me a bad parent? If I had not have went for advice it could have. But as they saying goes "It takes a village to raise a child" I had 2 doctors, 2 therapists, a case worker, mom and Deity......that's 7 people on top of me and my husband caring for our child.

His special needs. This is very touchy for me because we were placed in a hard place. Our pediatrician before he was released, I think he was around 9 days old decided to do an ultrasound of his brain. The ultrasound was through his soft-spot and she discovered something that changed our life. David was a very lazy baby. Was awake only when he ate, didn't really move around or cry. Once he was transferred to the satellite hospital the new pediatrician actually started looking at him and trying to figure out what was up. The ultrasound diagnosed her theory, David had a blood vessel in his brain rupture and was bleeding still. He was lazy because he wasn't getting enough oxygen to his brain for it to function properly. Schedule 1 Left Germinal Matrix Hemorrhage was the final diagnosis. But because no one caught it earlier he has bleed for 10 days. Part of his brain had died. I was told that even though in most cases, the schedule 1 is the "best" to have, his was worse because he had actually lost brain tissue. This was confirmed on the MRI when he was 6 weeks old. I was told he would never walk, talk, feed himself, he would be dependent on us his entire life. Talk about hitting a brick wall. But you pick yourself up and keep moving. I decided that the Pediatrician didn't know the future and couldn't tell me what he was capable of doing, so I started working with him, 10 days old, still in the hospital. Working his leg muscles, which were still tight. His knees stayed up in his chest I worked to straighten them. He was released and I followed "normal" baby advice, tummy time 2 hours a day. I put him on our mattress and sat down beside of him so he could roll tummy to back, then back to tummy. 4 months something incredible happened. In the same day he started holding his head up and rolled from tummy to back. Something I was told he wouldn't do. The PT was excited to see it and it was all up hill from there. 6 months old he still couldn't crawl but he was walking holding on to the couch and the tables. Walking!!! 8 months he started sitting by himself. I put him in a chair and tightened the buckles so that he would be forced to sit straight, 2 days later on his 8 month birthday he was doing it on his own. 10 months standing alone, 12 months walking without help and trying to feed himself. My son went from "Will never walk" to a "normal" child because I didn't give in. I didn't give up on him. I refused to use his diagnosis as a crutch and allowed him to do what he could when he could. He's like that now. He was diagnosed in April with Cerebral Palsy and was given leg braces. The only way you can tell between when he has them on and when he doesn't is you see them. He's just as active, running, climbing, jumping, being a normal 4 year old. He doesn't let those braces get him down. Why? Because me and my husband as parents didn't treat him differently so he doesn't know how to be different. His disease is non-existent to him because he doesn't know how to use it, he was never taught limitations because he was never given limitations. No limitations meant he was able to develop as he needed on his own time-line.

Now, am I saying I'm the best parent in the world? Obviously not, I have my faults. But a bad parent I am not.

My thoughts: Love your kids, they're your future. It's ok to ask advice or ask for help. You're not the first parent to be in a specific situation and won't be the last. Don't set limitations for your kids, they will handicap them and you. Smile, learn, and nurture. How do you expect to better yourself if you don't?