What's the secret to marriage?

I'm 27 years old, and have been married for almost 8 years. I've been with my husband for almost 12 years. People are shocked when they hear this. I often get "What's your secret?" Honestly, I've ONLY been married for 8 years. That's not long enough to have a secret is it?

Many of my friends have came to me for council, my ears only of course, wanting marriage advice. I always say "I can't tell you any undiscovered secret, there isn't one. I can only tell you what I do. But remember what works for me, might not work for you."

What do I do?

I was married right out of college, my husband, at the time, was still in college. I was 20, he was 19. We had been together, at that point, for what seemed like forever. He was my high school sweetheart, from a rival school. The handsome brainy kid, who was shy and very passive. I was the girl next door, typical southern belle. Very passionate, fiery personality, out going, and not nearly as passive as he. We were the exact opposite of each other. I knew when I met him he was for me. He.....wasn't as sure. Eventually we went out as friends, and it blossomed from there. We've been inseparable since. Graduated high school, graduated college, fast forward 8 years and here we are. Married, own our own home, have a son, animals, steady income, and happier than we were when we married.

In the beginning, I had a temper. I mean a temper. Very short fuse. Why did he put up with that? We both were VERY serious about our vows. Not to say it's all been sunshine and rainbows, we've had some very rocky stuff that would have broken most people up. But, we chose to learn from it, forgive it, and move on. That's what I do.

I communicate, because when things are kept bottled up, and secrets are kept, relationships tend to fall apart.

I am understanding, I learned from the past that I need to understand where he's coming from, and he tries to understand where I'm coming from.

We learned from our parents. We grew up with divorce, we didn't want our child to grow up in a broken home.

I learned from grandparents, mostly his grandparents. They passed away in their 70's, were married for over 50 years. They held the key, and we watched them together. They were an amazing sight. Still happy after all that time.

I switched roles. Before our son, I was the bread winner. I worked, he went to school. I think when roles are reversed we get confused about our marriage roles. Once this was settled, I became the mom and house wife, I calmed down.

I started karate. I learned patience there. So much more so than I can even vocalize to you.

I learned how to love. People love, it's a natural feeling, but you have to know the difference in love and dependence. You can be "in-dependence" on some one and not be "in-love" with them. I learned how to tell the difference.

We no longer fight. The first 2-3 years of our marriage was a constant fight. I was the hard-headed stubborn one who refused to listen. He would get frustrated because I wouldn't hear anything he said. That changed when we had David. We no longer fight. If we get into a discussion that gets heated, we send David out of the room and continue it in private. I no longer raise my voice at him. And he doesn't raise his voice at me. Our fights now take on a conversation, we talk about everything and I do mean everything.

I am the house wife. I teach my son. I cook a lot of the meals. I am a wife. I let my husband make the decisions, I do get input, but he gets the final decision. We have the typical 1950's style marriage. And the main thing is we're happy. We are happy. Such a drastic change from when we married those 8 years ago. It's like we grew up together and are one. I can't truly tell you in words my love for my husband, because there aren't any.

Lastly, I am thankful. Thankful to God that Nick loves me. Thankful to God that I found love in Nick. And thankful to God for giving me this life.

My thoughts: There is no real secret to a long lasting marriage, because every one's marriage is different. My only advice is to communicate and be understanding.